So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
