I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
