Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
