i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Everything about him screamed your future.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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