I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
