Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
