I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sext me about skeletons
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
