No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
