Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
