He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
