I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
