Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
