Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
