I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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