There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
