so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
