is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
