Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
