you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
