My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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