Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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