You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
did you just send me my own nude
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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