We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
