Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
