YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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