i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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