I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
