I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
