she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
