i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize