ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
