i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
