I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize