He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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