Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
