how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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