you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
