I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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