operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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