This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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