as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
