marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
