seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
