I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize