It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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