i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We need to feng shui this bitch.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize