I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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