I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
