A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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