am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
