Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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