Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
