Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize