i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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