New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
