and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
