Porn is love you can see.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
