Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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