Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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