I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
