what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
