His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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