it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
