every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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