Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
