I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
