im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
