nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
