I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
