I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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