I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize