Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
