Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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