I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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