Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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