Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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