so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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