Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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