so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
