4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
