how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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