Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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