she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
