Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
