I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
