Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Still dying that you shit outside
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
