I just saw a hot homeless man
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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