Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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