so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize