i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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