We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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