He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
