We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
