Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize