You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
