Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize